DAY 1 [RON, HERMIONE, HARRY and Hogwarts' newest student, DOB, are seated at that big cafeteria or whatever, discussing this and that. DOB tells a story, smirking like an asshole.] DOB RON DOB RON DOB HERMIONE DOB HARRY HERMIONE DOB RON DOB HARRY RON DOB DAY 4 [HARRY is in his dorm room getting ready for the OBLIGATORY GAME OF POINTLESS QUIDDITCH. DOB is quietly planting HARD WIZARD DRUGS in RON'S DRESSER.] HARRY DOB HARRY DOB HARRY DOB HARRY DOB HARRY DAY 9 [DUMBLEDORE, an old fellow with a long beard who constantly dresses in robes, has gathered a few of the students in his PRIVATE QUARTERS to tell them some SECRETS, which is probably a good idea in a movie/book that is aimed at LITTLE CHILDREN.] HERMIONE DOB HARRY HERMIONE DUMBLEDORE DOB HERMIONE DUMBLEDORE DOB HARRY RON HERMIONE DOB HARRY DOB RON HARRY DOB DUMBLEDORE HARRY DOB DAY 14 [Our heroes are stuck on an island, surrounded by a bunch of little PALE GOBLINS OR SOMETHING.] RON HARRY DOB HARRY DOB HARRY RON DOB [HARRY nods in agreement.] DOB HARRY DOB HARRY SMEAGOL DOB RON [DOB swiftly pushes RON into the little GOLLUMS, who immediately start clawing at his stupid flesh.] DOB DAY 17 [HARRY, RON, DOB and some of the other RANDOM INTERCHANGEABLE STUDENTS are discussing women problems.] RON DOB HARRY SOME OTHER KID DOB RON DOB DUMBLEDORE RON DOB DAY 20 [RON, HARRY and DOB are visiting their CREEPY, ELDERLY PROFESSOR SLUGHORN who hands them UNMARKED GLASSES FULL OF SOME LIQUID, and the children all take the drinks, because Hogwarts teaches BULLSHIT DRAGON MAGIC and INVISIBLE BROOM-HUMPING instead of D.A.R.E and COMMON SENSE. RON takes a sip and almost immediately starts stumbling and clutching his throat. He falls to the floor.] HARRY RON HARRY DOB RON DOB RON DOB RON DOB RON HARRY PROFESSOR SLUGHORN DOB PROFESSOR SLUGHORN HARRY DOB HARRY DOB HARRY DOB PROFESSOR SLUGHORN HARRY DOB PROFESSOR SLUGHORN HARRY DOB PROFESSOR SLUGHORN HARRY DOB HARRY AND SLUGHORN DOB
And then I says, “More like SHITerin!” Get it?
Yes.
Because I took a shit in the sorting hat.
I said yes.
And I said kiss dick, guy, I was talking to Hermione.
It was a lovely joke.
Bam. Two points, Ron, count it.
[RON slumps in his chair.]
I have a bad feeling about this year, guys. Something deep in the pit of my stomach.
I know what you mean.
Yeah, totally. Say, by the way, Hermione, when you turnin’ 15, girl? That happening soon, or what?
Fifteen is still illegal in this state. In all states, everywhere.
This fuckin- What is your problem, guy? Was someone talking to you? Christ, go eat that chocolate that turns people into rats or whatever.
[Quietly]
That’s not this movie.
You’re thinking of Witches.
Actually I’m thinking of eat shit, Beasley, what is your deal?
Alright, DOB, I’m about to head out to the big game. Are you sure you don’t want to play?
Nah. I’ma try to call Hermione so we can set up our own game of Quidditch, if you catch my boner.
Right. See you later, then.
Yeah, man, go- Jesus. Is that how you’re going to dress?
I… this is traditional wizard garb, for Quidditch, I thought-
Yeesh. Boo. It looks like a shitty community theater is staging a musical version of my nightmares and you’re auditioning for the female lead.
I’m not sure I-
You look like the worst kind of lesbian.
Got it.
Dumbledore, it’s not fair.
Oh, hell yeah, you tell him, ‘Mione.
It really is unfortunate, Dumbledore, is there nothing we can do?
This is ruining all of my plans!
I’m sorry, but there’s not much I can do. We’re short staffed, so I’m afraid I can’t offer Potions as a course this year.
Is that what we’re all pissed about? This is the stupidest wizard camp ever.
I’m certain that class would earn me high enough marks to make it to the top of the school.
It’s out of my hands! I’m afraid with our high level of mysterious murders, fewer and fewer teachers want to work here.
Yeah, that’ll do it.
Could Snape double up on a class?
Or couldn’t we cut one of the other courses?
It’s because Professor Slughorn left. He could have taught this class. He was supposed to, wasn’t he?
Who’s Slughorn?
We need Slughorn. We need to get him back.
Hey, guys, who’s Slughorn?
Good luck with that. He’s gone off to live with the Muggles, he’s in hiding.
But we can find him… With Dumbledore’s help!
Alright fuck you guys.
It can be done. I can track him down… Do you think you children could convince him to come back?
I’m positive!
What an awesome plot for a movie about wizards.
This looks dangerous! What’ll we do, Harry?
Our magic is blocked here, for some reason, we can’t disapparate, there’s some kind of enchantment. We’re running out of options.
[Slowly waking from an ALCOHOL-INDUCED COMA]
Oh, man, that was a- Oh, for fuck’s sake are you kidding me? What have you morons gotten us into?
Thank goodness you’re awake, we’ve got to-
Yeah, listen, shut up for like 10 seconds, here, it’s a little early for your shit, know what I mean?
I apologize.
It’s seven o’clock at night…
More like… stupid o‘cock at… at all over your face, and there’s… Oh go fuck yourself, Ron, no one’s talking to you.
Alright, I’ll get us out of this. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, let’s think about this. Fuck. We can’t use magic, Hermione’s probably still asleep and incredibly sore, and I broke Dumbledore’s wand for a reason I can’t immediately remember. We’ve got an army of Gollum’s happening right now, I say our only option is feeding them Ron’s gay face and converting the rest of Ron into a boat that we can paddle to shore. Or maybe we’ll just turn him into, like, a puppet or something, whichever’s funnier. That guy’s the worst.
We can’t! And those aren’t Gollums, you’re confusing franchises again.
What? Bullshit those aren’t Gollums. (Addressing the Gollums): Yo, which one of you pygmies wants the precious?
I’m telling you, that’s not-
I would like the precious…
Boom! Three pointer. Ron, give those little bastards the precious.
What would that even-
Swish! I’m the best.
It’s so difficult. I know Hermione fancies me, but I just started dating Lavendar, and it would be unfair of her if I abandoned our relationship. But HERMIONE and I are such good friends.
Uh huh.
And I’m in love with Ron’s sister, but I don’t know how she feels about me, and I don’t know what that would do to our friendship.
My word, these are tricky situations!
Tell me about it. I heard Ron cries when he poops.
That’s just a rumor, where did you hear it?
I forget, I think some guy screamed it while he was boning Hermione in my car last night. We’re getting off topic here, the point is Harry’s sad about some bullshit or whatever.
I know what we need, we need something to take our minds off our girl troubles, and Ron’s unfortunate toilet situation.
It’s not-
Like a baby, Dr. Wizard, a giant, pooping baby, it’s awful.
Ron! What’s wrong?
[Coughing.]
This… wine is… poison.
No!
Poison?
Yes!
Deadly?
[A crushed gasp.]
Yes.
Moving it slow?
[The life draining.]
Yeah… I guess.
Lookin’ for a mellow fellow like DeVoe?
[Turning blue.]
…what?
Not now, DOB. Don’t worry, we’ll save you, Ron. We’ve got to do something, quick!
I’ll call the authorities.
Let’s cure it ’cause we’re runnin’ outta time!
Yeah, we got it, DOB. It’ll be alright, Ron, we’ll get through this.
If I knew what the poison was, I could reverse it!
Oh, I know!
How do you know?
Me and the crew used to do her! Bam!
Oh, Goddammit, shut up, we need to save Ron.
Eh.
Who could have done this?
The one whose name we dare not speak, I’m sure he was behind it.
I may have an idea.
Or it could’ve been Draco! He’s always had it out for Ron.
Oh, fucking Draco, that’s right, it was probably him, too.
Was it a big butt, Ron? A smile? Did you trust them? Because, really-
He hasn’t much time left!
Hang in there, buddy.
-you should never trust a big butt and a-
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
P-P-P-P-Poison!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Dob's Brief Time As A Student in Hogwarts
Posted by Delta 38 at 3:38 PM 0 comments
Thursday, August 20, 2009
280 songs on my PSP
Out of extreme boredom, thoughts, and request, I listed these out. I'm proud to have a large taste in music...
Posted by Delta 38 at 11:15 PM 0 comments
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Awakening...
FOREWORD:-
Some stuff to say about the story. Sorry for it being delayed, I didn't have any ideas for it. Now I'm just gonna randomly nit-pick some cliches and input them in. =]
Oh well, enjoy...
==============================================
3rd July, 1973
2230 Hours
"Allison, what time are you gonna go back?" said Kristen
"Hell, anytime a guy takes me back to his bed, that's for sure. But honestly, I think I'm gonna go back at 2 this year. It's been fun with James and all but..."
"He cheated, again?"
Allison just kept quiet. "Hey, let's just enjoy this beer, aite? Cheers..."
"Cheers..."
Little do they know, that they're being watched...
"Dude, that chick is SO friggin' hot man!" said Aaron. "Totally!" agreed Carter.
"Guys, you do know that's James' girl right? I mean, remember what happened last time to Jeffrey?" said the wise-ass known as he-who-shall-not-be-named called Mike. Yup, he sucks at chugging while Carter pwns at it. Aaron has the car and skills, so yeah.
And what they STILL don't know is that the whole damn plaza is being watched.
*gazes at plaza with their red burning eyes that can shoot fucking cool laser beams*
"J'ai envie de tourner gai..." said Rakatan.
"Oh fait taire et parlent l'anglais vous ira faire?" replied Sapphiron.
"O' fine fine, ya twit. Wouldn't kill to use a lil' Frenchie here an' there, ay?"
"You are one wild brat, you know that, chap?
Sapphiron and Rakatan, although very different, has been working together for years in the Ordnance Clan. Their goals were to seek and destroy any opposing forces that they come in contact with on their patrolling routes. But this time, they had a special side job....
*to be continued*
Posted by Delta 38 at 6:12 PM 0 comments
Friday, May 8, 2009
One Lonely Night
FOREWORD:
Haven't blogged in some time, thanks Ima! Anyways, I'm supposed to be putting in dirty stuff into this chapter, but a friend of mine (who has a cute ass, btw) gives me a feeling I should do it next time. Besides, I'm tired after all that cake I ate. *ehem* Let's get started....
=========================================
17th November, 1973
0100 Hours
As the moonlight shone upon Kristen, she started to move quickly and hastily. She was afraid that it might happen like that guy in a gimp suit said would happen. A gust of wind blew her hair and her papers away. She ran around like a headless chicken grabbing them back.
*snap*
Kristen looked up at the old, dumpy, tree above her. *gasp* It was him! After all of her attempts on running away from him, yet, she is still stalked by him! And she can see his hunger of lust within his eyes, just ready to pounce on her. Shocked, Kristen can't move a muscle and is therefore, a sitting duck...
The man tackled Kristen down and....
*to be continued*
Posted by Delta 38 at 10:14 PM 0 comments